Communication can sometimes feel very complicated and tricky but it's great that you are recognizing the impact of the last few months on your friendship and that you want to take some steps to resolve things.
There's no way of knowing for sure without having that conversation with him and finding out how he sees himself and how he identifies, which leads nicely to the part of your question about how to approach your friend. So maybe it's possible to try to let go of the firm notion that your friend must be gay. Behavior is one piece of a larger picture that includes orientation (who you're attracted to) and identity (what you call yourself). For example, if you know you're straight but you've never had sex, can you not call yourself straight? That would be silly. Is your friend gay? Behavior alone does not make someone gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, queer, or any imaginable sexual orientation. Each of us gets to identify for ourselves how we feel and what we want to call ourselves. What does that make you? It's a trick question, actually-I can't tell anyone what or who they are. Perhaps you're a guy, you think mostly about women but sometimes about guys, you've had sex with women but also experimented sexually with men. Super! But it doesn't always line up like that for everyone. Awesome! You identify as female, fantasize about women, have sexual relationships with women, and identify as a lesbian. It's easy to imagine how those things would line up: you're a guy, you are attracted to women, you engage in sexual behaviors with women, and you think of yourself as straight. Finally, identity is what we call ourselves, what labels we choose (or refuse) to put onto our own selves. Behavior is different it's what we're doing sexually. When we're fantasizing, who are we thinking about? Who are we emotionally and physically drawn to? That might give some insight into at least a piece of our orientation (though it's not always so cut and dry). Unfortunately we still live in a heterosexist society and that can keep people from really being open and talking about their same-sex experiences.īut now on to more of what you're actually asking! When thinking about sexuality I often break it down into smaller categories: orientation, behavior, and identity. Experimentation between friends-regardless of any party's sexual orientation-is a common part of growing up for many folks. Young adults are still forming their sexuality and figuring out what range of behaviors and attractions feel good for them. The first thing I want to let you know (even though you did not quite ask it) is that same-sex experimentation with adolescents and young adults is really common.
It seems like there are a few layers going on here: your concern about your friendship with this guy, confusion about what happened between you and whether/how to address it, and some thoughts about your friend's possible sexual orientation. How should I confront him about our friendship and everything else that happened over the past few months? I'm scared that if I force him to admit that he's gay then he's going to shut me out forever. We've been best buds since 4th grade and now he's a stranger in every sense of the word. I don't know how to tell him that without him thinking I'm secretly crushing on him or something. It's just that he's really starting to lose respect for me. It's not that hard to believe since the girls he mention are attracted to him and they're also promiscuous. He's supposedly having sex with different girls everyday. Speaking of his "girlfriends", he's recently been parading his heterosexuality around me. I always wondered about him because he can never really keep a girlfriend and he seems more attached to his guy friends than his own flavor-of-the-week girlfriend. Honestly, I can deal with the fact that he's gay. There's no way he can't tell I'm purposely avoiding him. I even went as far as saying I have to walk my dog. Whenever he comes over we never really talk about stuff like we used to and most times I'd find reasons to uninvite him. Ever since then, it's been extremely awkward between us. I told him not much and then I left it alone. We started laughing about how trashed we were last night and he sneaks in a question about how much I remember from last night. When we woke up the next morning he was already awake and playing Playstation.
He went to the bathroom to wash his mouth and stuff and while he was doing that I just laid down and fell asleep in order to avoid talking about it. And then it hits me that my BEST FRIEND just gave me a blowjob.
It was almost about a full half-hour when I came. I just let him and he did it for a very long time. At the moment, I didn't think much about how it will affect us.